God's Stirring

God is stirring in my heart and the themes are destiny, choice and restoration. I just finishing reading David Housholder's book, The Blackberry Bush and a few quotes continue to propel what God is doing in me forward.  On a side-note, I have to say my reading time has been minimal this past year. I start to read at night and fall asleep so quickly or don't even read thinking about the time I will be up in the middle of the night with a precious 2 year old! :)  This book is different, as the author is a  dear person in my life. My former teaching pastor and boss who hired me at a pivotal point in my career moving from the teaching world to ministry. This book was one that I knew I had to read to honor him and knowing how God speaks through Pastor Dave. So glad I did.

"...Destiny is fixed and freedom is real. Don't ask me how the two fit together, but they do. And the pivot points in our life story are tiny shifts that lead us to a whole new future." (pg. 167 The Blackberry Bush) 

DESTINY and CHOICE

The theology of predestination vs. free will. I have often wrestled with this and growing up I took it as ...what is going to happen is going to be...almost as if I didn't have choice in it. For me, spiritual apathy followed this mentality.  Yet, I knew that I had a choice to make and of course my choices would affect my future. But, when I really grasped that God has a plan for me and I can choose to SEEK AFTER and follow HIS ways, the power of God started really moving in my life. Knowing I have a destiny and calling that is unique for me individually and YET within that plan I have choices is challenging. That is one of the reasons I love this quote from Dave's book..."Destiny is fixed and freedom is real" And the PIVOT POINTS have led me to a whole new future and one that I am constantly thankful for. I look back to the summer/fall of 2007 in feeling the call to go on my first mission trip to India and think, "What if I didn't go?!" India 2008 was a major PIVOT POINT! This morning I was again brought to tears thinking of what if I would have chose to stay in my comfort zone like I wanted to? Literally that thought almost shakes me because I am convinced that I would have missed experiencing God's heart for the orphans and therefore missed Abby. I am not trying to be dramatic...just the thought of my freedom to make choices almost scares me (a good and holy fear of the Lord). The prayer..."Not my will but yours Lord" is comforting. The thoughts that as I seek Him...he always makes it clear..."writing on the wall" so that I don't miss him also brings me comfort moving forward. Again, I feel like I am at a pivot point in my spiritual journey. One that is going to require more of me. One that is going to again call me out of my comfort zone. I know the faithfulness of God in the past and that His ways are always better than mine and yet. And yet...I also know I am still "hanging on" to comfort and wanting to play it safe at times. I can justify many things.  While singing the song "All to You" and the lyrics...

I'm living my life for You

And I'm giving everything to You

Not holding back, from every part

I'm giving it all to You

I found myself wanting to sing/insert, "I'm trying"! Because really...I am still holding on in some areas of my life, I can justify holding back some parts. AND YET...I KNOW BETTER! God's plans are always WAY BETTER THAN MINE! So...my prayer is that I will continue to surrender ALL and go ALL OUT in this wonderful, crazy journey that the Lord has me on in serving in His Kingdom here on Earth. It will require sacrifice. It will require more of me. 

"Oh God...thank you for your patience, your grace and your compassion for the lost, the vulnerable, the widow and the orphan. Let me not miss the pivot points that you have for me that will continue to lead to the amazing future that you have for me and for my family."

Will have to blog on the "Restoration"word another day. This is all I can process for today! :)